Forever Awakenings (Awakenings #3) Page 21

  “It’s nice to finally meet you,” Brad said tiling his head toward them, but making no effort to shake hands. “Greta spoke of you often.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, as well,” Sadie murmured, her hand coming to rest on the small of Elle’s back. “We’re so sorry for your loss. Greta … Well, Greta was an amazing woman.”

  “She was,” Brad admitted.

  Elle bit the inside of her lip as she turned toward Sadie, Callum, and Derek. “They want us to sit with them,” she whispered.

  “Oh,” Callum said, shifting his eyes from her to Gregory, who gave a subtle nod. “Okay.”

  As more people trickled inside, Elle struggled with the attention. She shifted so that she was hiding behind Callum and Derek, needing the distance from people who had never said a mean or hurtful thing to her.

  How irrational, she thought.

  “Well, we should probably head inside,” Gregory said, but his attention was pulled to the entrance as the door opened again. “Samuel.”

  Elle gasped as she spun around, finding Samuel and Lydia standing in the doorway. He had his hand wrapped firmly in hers, though his eyes, which normally sparkled but were dull, darted around the room in search of hidden foes. The weight he had lost over the last few weeks showed in how his suit hung on him. Samuel spotted her hiding behind Callum, and he almost smiled.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d make it,” Gregory said, drawing Samuel’s attention to him.

  “I, um …” Samuel shook his head. “Greta was more than just an employee. She was family.”

  “She considered you her son, which is why we’d like for you and Lydia to sit with us.”

  “Um.” Samuel paused, his eyes flittering to Elle then Callum, Derek, and Sadie before he said, “Okay.”

  “Thank you,” Lydia added, almost as if she was making sure Elle knew she was there.

  Elle wanted to roll her eyes, scream at the woman that she was jealous over nothing, but instead, she stood silently. Some battles weren’t worth fighting.

  Callum and Derek walked on either side of Elle, making sure that she and Samuel wouldn’t have the chance to run off together. As they followed Gregory and Brad to the front of the chapel, Elle looked over her shoulder at Samuel, finding him watching her in return. She wanted to throw herself in his arms, beg him to forgive her for abandoning him when he needed her, but one glance at the look on Lydia’s face and Elle knew that was not going to happen.

  Once they were seated, Sadie sitting between Elle and Callum, with Samuel and Lydia on the outside, the pastor began the service.

  “Greta Lang spent most of her life in service to others. Her childhood was spent in Chicago, where her family spent weekends serving the homeless dinner that she and her mother would make. She upheld that tradition as an adult, always willing and able to give from herself. She married Ben Lang when she was only nineteen years old. By her twenty-first birthday, she was widow expecting her first and only child.”

  Elle blinked back her tears. She had no clue that Greta had once been widowed at such a young age. She assumed that she had divorced Gregory’s father. It wasn’t the type of information that one asked, or that’s what she told herself anyway.

  “Greta began working for Davis Architecture and Design just three months after her son was born. It was there that she found her purpose.”

  As the pastor continued to talk about Greta and her service to the company, Elle sneaked a peek Samuel, who was watching her. He gave her a small, sad smile, which she returned.

  “The family has asked that you allow them the chance to grieve in private,” the pastor continued. “They are thankful for the thoughts and prayers and know that Greta will be remembered and loved forever.”

  With that said, the pastor gestured for Gregory and Brad to follow him out of the chapel. Callum, Derek, Sadie, Elle, Lydia, and Samuel followed. Elle could hear the whispers about her, feel people staring, wondering what she had been through. Judging her for not being perfect.

  The pastor led them into a small room off from the lobby. “Once the chapel has cleared out, I’ll let you know and you can have your time with Greta.”

  “Thank you,” Gregory said, nodding his head just slightly.

  The pastor simply smiled before leaving them alone. Samuel pulled away from Lydia, who reached for him but wasn’t able to stop him. With great care, he walked up to Elle and motioned for her to follow him to one of the corners.

  “Hey,” he whispered.

  “Hey,” Elle murmured, resisting the urge to reach out and take hold of Samuel’s hand. “You okay?”

  Samuel shrugged. “No, not that it matters. I’m supposed to put my game face on, pretend that everything’s good.”

  “Yeah, me too,” Elle replied. “I didn’t think she’d let you come.”

  “She wasn’t going to,” he quipped with a roll of his eyes. “Said I needed to focus on healing my mind and body. She’s trying all this mediation and yoga shit on me.”

  “How the fuck is that supposed to help?” Elle scoffed. “Like somehow downward dog is going to make the beatings go away.”

  “I know.” Samuel took a step closer to Elle, his eyes shifting to where Lydia stood with Callum, Derek, and Sadie. “I’ve been worried about you.”

  “I’ve been worried about you, too,” she admitted. “I called the day Greta … But I guess you didn’t get the message.”

  “No,” Samuel snorted, dragging his hand through his hair. “She’s hidden my phone from me.”

  “Wow,” Elle muttered. “So much trust there.”

  Samuel looked back at Elle. “I’m losing her. For good this time.”

  Frowning, Elle shifted her attention to Callum, Derek, and Sadie. “Me too. They look at me different. I think, maybe, I’ve finally pushed them too far.”

  “Yeah,” he whispered.

  Lydia pulled away from Callum, Derek, and Sadie and walked up to Elle and Samuel, placing her hand on the top of his arm. “We should go.”

  “I’m not ready,” he gritted, shrugging her hand off him.

  “It’s getting late,” Lydia said quietly, her eyes shifting to Elle for a moment. “Come on.”

  Samuel sighed. “Fine, whatever.”

  He gave Elle a look before following Lydia out. Elle bit back the urge to call out of him, to chase after him, but she knew it was pointless. Not only was her thigh too weak for her to run, but there was no way Callum, Derek, or Sadie would allow her to be around him again. The few minutes they had were a gift, one she doubted she would ever have again.

  Twenty-six

  Elle quietly tiptoed out of her bedroom the next morning, downstairs, and out onto the porch. The house felt stifling, and she needed a few minutes to herself. She still hadn’t read the letter from Greta, knowing that the words were private and meant only for her. For now at least, but her lovers hadn’t made it easy for her to read them.

  Callum, Derek, and Sadie had hovered around her all night, always one of them in the same room with her. She understood. They were waiting for her to break down, to lash out, or to run. But Elle was tired of running, tired of lashing out, and tired of breaking down.

  With a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her knees pulled to her chest, Elle opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. Just seeing Greta’s elegant handwriting had tears filling her eyes. How she missed that woman.

  My darling Elle,

  The first time you came into the office, I knew you were special. I had spent all morning shuffling one applicant after another down to the conference room. I was annoyed and tired, but you and Sadie had this aura about you that made me feel so comfortable. After the meeting was over, after you left, Samuel told me that he had found the future of the business in you. I believed him.

  You had this amazing spirit. Part sass and compassion, yet I knew you were holding back. It was almost as if you weren’t sure where you belonged. Well, my darling Elle, you belonged with the company.

  You haven�
��t had it easy. The love you, Sadie, Callum, and Derek share has cost you a lot. Business from arrogant, hard asses who can’t seem to see that love is love. Just that: love is love.

  I can feel the end of my life coming. I’m tired and it’s getting harder to get out of bed every morning. My husband visits me in my sleep, begs me to come to him. I miss him. My Benny would have loved you, would have thought of you as a daughter — just as I have. I’ve had a good life. A happy life, and my darling Elle, I want you to have a happy life.

  I can only imagine how hard the last few months have been. I wanted to wrap you in my arms and make the pain, the fear, go away. I wanted to protect you, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t, but Callum, Derek, and Sadie can — and will if you’ll let them. They love you. And I know you’re scared to let them love you again, but, darling Elle, they need you. They’re lost without you, just as you are without them. Please don’t let them go.

  My darling Elle, you are stronger than you think you are. Braver than you think you are. And worth the moon and the stars. Thank you for being my hero, my inspiration, and know that no matter what happens, I love you.

  With all my heart,

  Greta Lang

  Elle wiped the tears off her face before picking up the envelope from her knees and looking inside, surprised to find a picture of her and Greta. It was taken at the Christmas party the year Elle and Sadie started at the company.

  Elle hadn’t wanted to go. She had been struggling with getting into the holiday spirit. It was going to be the first Christmas without her parents, who just months before disowned her for her sinful lifestyle. She grieved the loss of her parent’s conditional love, wishing she could have been enough for them.

  Callum and Derek insisted that they attend the party. She smiled and tried to pretend her heart wasn’t breaking. She had just picked up a glass of champagne when Greta insisted in a picture with her.

  Shrugging the blanket off, Elle hurried into the house, grabbing her purse, keys, and cell. Without another thought, she rushed out of the house still in her pajamas, knowing that it was time to stop being a victim, and start being a survivor. Greta deserved better from her.

  —FA—

  Half an hour later, Elle found herself standing inside of University Medical Center once again. Only instead of planning a trip to visit Andrew Flynn, she was trying to build the courage to ride the elevator to the fifth floor. She took a deep breath as she reached over and pressed the up arrow. Her stomach rolled and more than once she was sure she was going to throw up.

  Just when she turned to leave, the doors to the elevator slid open and she heard, “Elle.”

  Turning back, she saw Jo Tyler standing inside, a frown tugging at the corner of her lips. “Are you okay?”

  Elle shook her head.

  “You’re not okay?” Jo asked, stepping out of the elevator. The doors slid closed with a clank that had Elle taking a step backward.

  “I, um.” Elle took a deep breath. “No, I’m not. I’m far from being okay, and I’m tired of lying to myself.”

  “Hmm, so what are you going to do about it?”

  “I was hoping you could tell me.”

  Jo smiled and looked down at her watch. “I’ve got time. Do you want to go to my office?”

  Elle shook her head and gestured to the elevator. “I can’t go in there. Can … Can we, I don’t know, go get a coffee or something?”

  “Sure. The hospital has good coffee. Lead the way.”

  Elle could feel herself trembling as she headed in the direction of the hospital cafeteria with Jo following. Once there, she filled a foam cup with coffee and added sugar and honey. Once Jo had her cup, they settled at a table in the back, but one that was still visible.

  Cautious, Elle told herself. Protective even.

  “So,” Jo said after a few minutes of awkward silence. “Am I correct in assuming that you were here to talk to me?”

  Once more, Elle found herself nodding. “I’m tired.”

  “Tired of what?”

  “Just tired,” she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears. “It’s exhausting trying to keep from falling apart, trying to pretend that I’m not terrified every second of the day.”

  “Why are you pretending?” she asked.

  “Because they want me to,” Elle admitted.

  “By they, you mean Callum, Derek, and Sadie?”

  “Yeah.”

  “They told you that?”

  Elle shook her head.

  “Then what makes you think they want you to pretend you’re not scared?”

  “Because they want the old Elle back, and I can’t be her again. Not ever,” she admitted, running her finger around the edge of her cup. “We let them hurt us.”

  “Derek, Sadie, and Callum?” Jo asked, her eyes widening.

  “No!” Elle exclaimed as she leaned forward. “Them … Trixie and Leo,” she whispered, looking around like she expected them to pop out from behind the soda fountain. “We let them … let them beat us, let them rape us.”

  “You and Samuel?”

  “Yeah,” she whispered.

  Jo took a sip of her coffee. “Hmm. I don’t think that’s true.”

  “No, it is,” Elle said, quietly. “Not at first, of course. We screamed at them, threatened them, begged them to stop. But by the end, we were done fighting. They liked it when we fought, and we just wanted it to stop.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Jo scoffed.

  Elle frowned.

  “I’ve read the police report, Elle. I know what happened the day you and Samuel freed yourselves.”

  Elle shifted uneasily in her chair.

  “He came for you again, didn’t he? Leo was going to rape you again, but Samuel fought for you, fought Leo. Isn’t that right?”

  Elle nodded.

  “And when Leo tried to kill Samuel, what did you do?”

  “I killed him,” she whispered.

  “You fought,” Jo said, quietly as she leaned forward and put her elbow on the table. “You could have let Leo kill Samuel, let him kill you, but you didn’t. You fought. Samuel fought.”

  Elle’s cell rang, startling her. She dug it out of her pocket and sighed when she saw Sadie’s name flashing on the screen.

  “Aren’t you going to answer it?”

  Elle shook her head.

  “Why not?”

  “Because she’ll be angry at me. I didn’t tell them I was coming here,” Elle confessed as she silenced the call and looked back at Jo. “I’m losing them.”

  “You are?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “More and more every day,” Elle whimpered. “And I don’t want to. They’re the loves of my life, my everything. Without them, I won’t survive. I won’t have a reason to live anymore. I just don’t know how to let them love me again.”

  “How’d you let them love you in the first place?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you four weren’t born in love with each other, were you?”

  “No, of course not,” Elle said.

  “The four of you made the decision to be together knowing that society was going to challenge you. Why?”

  “Um.”

  Elle paused as she thought back to the afternoon they made the decision to pursue their relationship. She had been terrified then, too. They had been the first men to touch her since the night Leo attacked her the first time. It was the first time she and Sadie hadn’t had to hide their relationship from the men in their lives.

  “Because in my heart I knew they weren’t going to hurt me,” Elle admitted. “It was hard to put myself out there. Sadie and I had kept our relationship hidden for so long. Only my sister and her husband, then fiancé, knew about us. But after meeting Callum and Derek, I just … I felt whole, complete.”

  “And do you still feel that way with them?”

  Elle nodded. “I need them. It’s not just wanting them to hold me, to kiss me, or to … to make love to me again,” she cried. “I
need them in order to be able to get up in the morning without panicking that the girls aren’t going to be in their beds. I need them in order to breathe.”

  Jo leaned forward and placed her hands on the table. “Have you told them that you need them like that?”

  “They should know, shouldn’t they? After eight years together, shouldn’t they just know?”

  “How can they when you’re running all the time?” Jo asked.

  Elle frowned.

  “Look, I can sit here with you all day and tell you over and over how much they love you, but it won’t help.”

  “What will?”

  “You need to talk to them,” Jo said, sadly. “You need to be completely honest about what you and Samuel went through.”

  Elle cringed. “I don’t want them to know.”

  “They already do,” she murmured. “Elle, there is nothing you will tell them that they haven’t thought about every day since you and Samuel were kidnapped. But they need to hear it from you.”

  “What if it’s too much for them?”

  “What if it’s not?” Jo stood up and picked up her coffee. “I’m going to be right here at this table every morning at eight o’clock. We can just enjoy a good cup of coffee, or we can talk. The choice is up to you.”

  With a smile, Jo turned and left Elle sitting there.

  —FA—

  It was almost eight that night before Elle returned to the house. She sent Sadie, Derek, and Callum each a text promising that she was okay, that she needed some time to sort her feelings, that she would tell them everything when she got home. She just needed the chance to grieve the life she had lost. So, instead of leaving the hospital and going home, Elle found herself sitting on a bench in the park inside Alvarez Park.

  In some ways, it was her way of reconnecting to the woman she used to be, while embracing the woman she was now. She cried, she laughed, she probably looked crazy, but she was trying, and she told herself that was enough. At least, for now.

  But as the sun set and the park became quiet and empty, Elle longed for the arms of her lovers. As she climbed out of Sadie’s car, she looked up at the house that had been her home for the last eight years. There were so many memories inside those walls, almost all of them good. She wanted more, though. Needed more.